The recent collapse of Farepack was a terrible tragedy bringing untold misery on the less well-off members of Britain's families. On the other hand, it gave me an opportunity to make a six-months-bit-late/early entry about 'Fairpack', what might be handed out to Bo'ness people before the Fair. I suggest the following:
- The spellings of all Bo'ness's primary schools for that all important "2-4-6-8, who do we appreciate?".
- A helium-filled balloon given to a child that is lost in under two minutes and is classed as a UFO by the population of Bonnyrigg two days later.
- £30 in silver and coppers, guaranteed to weigh down your trouser pockets and make you sound like you're wearing spurs when you walk.
- A copy of Count Leo Tolstoy's Napoleonic saga 'War and Peace' to read while waiting to get served in the Richmond Park.
- The names of everyone you went to school with as you bump into someone and try to remember if she's that good-looking blonde girl who sat next to Sarah Westwick in Mrs Crosbie's P7 class.
- An inflatable hammer.
- Pound coins to be given to nephews and nieces "for the shows", despite them being taller than you are and considerably more pissed.
- A saltire/lion rampant/1314 Bannockburn flag to show how proud you are to be a Scot and which will never be used again.
- A English-Norwegian phrasebook for men to try and chat up the female members of the skolekorps, unaware that skolekorps means school band and they are all under 16.
- A map of all the best bushes to find teenagers' carry-outs when you run out of money.
- A scientific diagram to prove that drinking during when the sun's up means the heat sweats the alcohol out of you so you can drink twice as much.
Any more?
Ah wis gonny poast sumhing the ithir nicht thair urgin folk ti demonstrate ootside the HBOS Champagne Xmas do bit ah wis too late.
ReplyDeleteThat Farepak cant should git the jile, n is fur they banks - well they fkn steal money oaf ye eviry day din't they?
The dirty thievin basstarts the lot i thum.
Aye, especially the BoS. Ah remember they basstarts nearly shut doon proably the greatest institution in Scotlan aboot 9 years ago. Widny gie thum a penny noo.
ReplyDeleteWhilst a sympathise wi thoose unfortunate ti loose a lot of money. Credit cards will now be aquired to fund Christmas for some. Yet again the banks will reep the benefits. It's a hard hard world. Anybody interested in startin a bank.
ReplyDelete