How did ye git here?

Jist lookin ower the site stats there and thoat yi might find it interstin ti learn the top 20 key words yaesed by folk oot there in cyberspace ti end up here in Bo'ness.

1. ness
2. bo
3. boys
4. shuttle
5. birdstrike
6. of
7. kournikova
8. nudist
9. gallagher
10. porno
11. kirsty
12. tweedy
13. puberty
14. for
15. camps
16. blog
17. old
18. auld
19. trannies
20. cheryl

He he - sum right pervs oot thair right enuff.

Cox's auld bike funt in Iraq

Nae WMD's ti speak i, bit US Marines liberate Cox's auld Chipper fi a back alleyway in Basra.

Boyakasha.

Ali G in Cannes superb.

Whit dae yi mean withdraw?

Baisterts telt me it wis a sperm bank.

Dae yi mind Eggo Shanklin.

You wine grapes will hae nae idea who am talkin aboot.

Mind when he wis a skinny wee boy.

Carrier and wee gill goin fir a romantic stroll tae the takeaway.

Beginners guide tae pumpkin carvin.

Sumhing a carved fir the bairn when a hud a spare 5 mins, craft knife and a tattie pealer. Here's the rest.

New Wheels

Jist picked up ma new wheels the day min - whit dae yees think?
Am pictured above parkin it doon it Puerto Bo'ness doaks car park, whaur ah hud ti run inty the Poast Oaffice and git 6 months road tax.
By coincidence that's ma Faither's new yacht in the backgroond, "Irinmongery 69".

Situation Vacant

Gid joab fur yin i yees gaun here.

Sunday Nicht

Brings back memories this.

Eleevin Taed Berry

Bleendies!

In the dughoose

Sorry aboot the lack i poasts the last few days. This is on tha account i me being in the dughoose efter a heavy weekend.
Too much ti drink, didny come hame, missed ma tea - same auld story.
Ah'll nivir learn.
To all concerned - sorry!

Whit's wrong wi this foaty?

Halle Berry oot fur a stroll up the Victoria Park, jist past the Fountain whaur Yan funt a wasp doon his T shirt.
Bit there's sumhing no quite richt in this pic.
A prize ti the first yin thit gets it.

Simply the Best

You've probably seen this before, bit it still brings tears ti ma een.
Some X-factor rejects sing at a fitba match in Belgium.
The crowd's reaction is priceless
Watch oot fur the wee boy 3rd in - he's unstoappable.

Needs a bit salt n pepper

Salmon Court, yisterday.

All in a days work fur Futin Det and his fellow podiatrist, as they taste a resident's keratinised, verruca-riddled feet to see whether the various scraped aff skin flakes, athlete's fit cheese and taenail clippings will make a nice 'Scotch Broth' for service to their maistly partly-sighted clients.

Camel Toads

U couldny make it up min.

Simple

This conjures up memories i camping in nev's Hut efter we goat rained aff doassin in the yaird.

Update: link fkd

DJ G-dyke

Fancy some White Stripes it Glestinbirry?

Dinny say ah'm no guid ti ye!

Any requests by the way?

Important Service Message

New visitors to this site - please listen to this important announcement.

Halloween Suooey Bomber.

Trick or Treat. They damn kids will jist no settle fir half a jaffa n sum munky nuts fir a joke, it's money or feck all nooadays.

Bleck Een

Fur years the conventional wisdom his been thit the best treatment fur a bleck eee is ti pit a bit i raw meat oan it.
Scientific studies huv proven thit while the raw beef helps ti reduce the swelling and aids in the healing process, yaesin a cauld steak actually delays the recovery i broken blood vessels thit cause the bleck and blue marks aroond the een.
These same studies huv shown thit application i warm, soft, and tender meat is the maist effective in helping the een ti recover fi the damage.
So, the next time ye git a bleck eee, here's how ti treat it.....

Credit: the Goose

Plumb also oan Holiday

An oaringe Mivvi n a Pint i San Miguel - ye jist canny beat it.

Skill Holidays feenished

Jist back fi the auld Costa del Sol aw suitably refreshed n that.
The sun wis oot and temperatures were in the high 70s, bit by Christ that Med wis cauld!

Halloween's coming

And its time ti scare gie they trick or treaters a taste i thir ain medicine.

Playing Games

Fut & Cox hud 21
Binnz hud 66
Nev & Jan hud 41, 19, 15 and 11 (the spolit gets).
Ah hud 45 and 9 but I eiwys wanted 18.

Mair here

Muscle Beach

Mair fi the 'puberty' collection, this time a plooky Nash and Binnz join the fray, the lads discussn which is better - Clearasil or Oxy (Blitz those Zitz)?

Live at Five

Abso classic. Listen oot fur "pit that oan the News".<

Jist fkn eat the hing min

Open yir mooth. That's the wey - get sum protein in ye hen!

Dawn i the Deid

Wi the news the day thit scientists huv resurrected the deadly 1918 flu virus, jist thoat I wid remember ye thit in 28 days time you will have to shoot the zombies in the heid to kill them.

Mair here- ye couldny make this stuff up!

A Natural History of Bo'ness

I wis up at the Curling Pond the ither day in took this foaty.

Obviously sumbdy wi haein a clear oot i thir exotic pets up Kinneil Wids reulting in a Burmese python swallyin an alligator. Baith deid is a result. And a big pike's obviously bit the snake's heid aff anaw.

Whiy dae folk up the Dean no realise that a pet is no jist fur Xmas?

Notso trys another mode of transport.

Whit nae retort fi Notsosags, whar could he be, is he in the huff fir the driving lesson hing or huz his p.c been repossessed, answers oan a poastcaird.

Cheese

Ur cheddar is bound ti go aw rank in these fridges.

Hillwalking wi Hannah

Davy H is jist back fi yin i his hillwalking expeditions and has sent us these foaties.

And it's goodnight from him

"And in other news, the search for the man who terrorizes nudist camps with a bacon slicer goes on. Inspector Lemuel Jones had a tip-off this morning, but hopes to be back on duty tomorrow."

Anither comedy hero bites the dust.

Ronnie Barker
aka Norman Stanley Fletcher
aka The Phantom Raspberry Blower of Old London Town
1929-2005

2000AD

At last, aw they stories in 2000AD are coming true.

Rocket Racing League

Mair Diving

Well am of ti Spain oan Sunday again fur a wee brek fi aw the nonsense.

When I go oan hoaliday I like ti day a bit i diving. Ye canny beat a gid dive. I like ti sit by the pool wi ma San Miguel Export and chill oot, topping up ma tan, and then in the efternin go fur a dive. Wee Gill likes ti take foaties i me when am daein the business tae.

Embdy else like diving? Post ur diving foaties up fur everyyin ti see.

Never saw thaim in Hasties.

A nice big sausage in yin, wit a treat.

Ebay Item

Further to Nev's revelations in a previous post aboot his fondness for Buffalo Bill out of 'Silence of the Lambs', I see he's been trying to sell some of his auld stuff oan ebay.

And the award goes to?

It has taken me ages to find this if you've no seen it, watch it, it's fkn hilarious.

X Factor Update

Sad news ower the weekend that Millsy's tip for stardom, Michelle Thorne is OOT i the competition at Bit Camp stage.

Sumhing ti dae wi her glottal stop being worn doon.

Back ti daein whits she di best then. Am sure Millsy will continue to keep track of her career as an adult entertainer though, with mast....I mean unabated interest.

Balls of Fire

Meteor strike doon the shore caught on camera.

Starstruck

Awready perplexed by the changes to their boadies whilst in the throes of puberty, a young Superplumb and Cox are confused even further by the sudden appearance of Tony Hadley out of Spandau Ballet.