Wallies

Today was a major turning point in ma life, and I need the help i ma friends to get me thru this crisis of confidence.

On Xmas Day I broke a crown eatn ma Maw's turkey and since then have been in agony. Ti cut a long story short, I visited the dentist today and was fitted with a temporary denture - Fakkn Falsers!!!

Ma mooth feels like an alien gub, am aw wasted like that 'tumour-wi-a-dug-oan-the-end-of-it' that used to walk aboot ootside the Modal in the toon. Ah feel aw washed up - and only 29 tae!!

Tried ti eat a broon fish supper oot i Corvis there and- have u ever seen that film 'Arthur' when he's drinkn the coffee and slitters it aw ower himsell?

What makes it doubly difficult is that I am trying to impress Wee Gill that ah've 'still goat it', but can I do that noo wi ma wallies in a gless i water next ti ma bed? Eh - dinnyhinksy.

These are difficult times.

Any helpful comments wid be gratefully accepted.

I know I can count oan ma pals for sympathy.