The recent collapse of Farepack was a terrible tragedy bringing untold misery on the less well-off members of Britain's families. On the other hand, it gave me an opportunity to make a six-months-bit-late/early entry about 'Fairpack', what might be handed out to Bo'ness people before the Fair. I suggest the following:
- The spellings of all Bo'ness's primary schools for that all important "2-4-6-8, who do we appreciate?".
- A helium-filled balloon given to a child that is lost in under two minutes and is classed as a UFO by the population of Bonnyrigg two days later.
- £30 in silver and coppers, guaranteed to weigh down your trouser pockets and make you sound like you're wearing spurs when you walk.
- A copy of Count Leo Tolstoy's Napoleonic saga 'War and Peace' to read while waiting to get served in the Richmond Park.
- The names of everyone you went to school with as you bump into someone and try to remember if she's that good-looking blonde girl who sat next to Sarah Westwick in Mrs Crosbie's P7 class.
- An inflatable hammer.
- Pound coins to be given to nephews and nieces "for the shows", despite them being taller than you are and considerably more pissed.
- A saltire/lion rampant/1314 Bannockburn flag to show how proud you are to be a Scot and which will never be used again.
- A English-Norwegian phrasebook for men to try and chat up the female members of the skolekorps, unaware that skolekorps means school band and they are all under 16.
- A map of all the best bushes to find teenagers' carry-outs when you run out of money.
- A scientific diagram to prove that drinking during when the sun's up means the heat sweats the alcohol out of you so you can drink twice as much.
Any more?
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3 comments:
Ah wis gonny poast sumhing the ithir nicht thair urgin folk ti demonstrate ootside the HBOS Champagne Xmas do bit ah wis too late.
That Farepak cant should git the jile, n is fur they banks - well they fkn steal money oaf ye eviry day din't they?
The dirty thievin basstarts the lot i thum.
Aye, especially the BoS. Ah remember they basstarts nearly shut doon proably the greatest institution in Scotlan aboot 9 years ago. Widny gie thum a penny noo.
Whilst a sympathise wi thoose unfortunate ti loose a lot of money. Credit cards will now be aquired to fund Christmas for some. Yet again the banks will reep the benefits. It's a hard hard world. Anybody interested in startin a bank.
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