Gittn Back ti Basics

Time ti kick start hings again wi sum Bo'ness Jokes.

A pregnant teenage lassie phones her dad at midnight and says:
'Kin you come and git me? Ah hink ma water hus broken'
'Okay,' says her dad. 'Whaur are ye ringing fae?
'Fae my knickers tae ma feet. '

A Bo'ness wummin goes ti the dentist and settles down in the chair.
'Comfy?'asks the dentist.
'The Mingle,' she replies.

Whit did the male Siamese twins fi Lithgi call their autobiography
..?
Oor Wullie.

A boay fi Cumlouden walks inty an antiques shop and says: 'How much fur the set of antlers?'
'Twa hundred quid,' says the guy behind the counter'
'Thir awfi dear,' says the guy.
'Nae shit Sherlock!' replies the ithir guy.

Did ye hear aboot the felly fi Mairchlinds who liked eating bricks and cement?
He's awa' noo.

After announcing he's getting married, a Cuffaboots laddie tells his pal he'll be wearing the kilt.
'And whit's the tartan?' asks his mate.
'Oh, she'll be wearing a white dress,'

Three wee jobbies sitting on the pavement ootside Griffiths & Olivers.
Which yin''s a Musketeer?
The dark tan yin.

A boay fi Haney's Way doon in London is having trouble phoning
his sister fi a telephone boax. So he
calls the operator who asks in a plummy voice:
'Is there money in the box?
'Naw, it's just me,' he replies.

While getting ready to go oot, a wee wifie fi Hairber Road says to her husband:
'Do you think I'm getting a wee bit pigeon chested?'
And he says: 'Aye, but that's why I love you like a doo.'

While being interviewed for a job as a bus driver, a guy is asked:
'What would you do if you had a rowdy passenger?' 'I'd pit him aff at
the next stoap,' he says. 'Good. And what would you do if you couldn't
get the fare?' 'I'd take the first twa weeks in August insteed,' he replies.

Twa negatives make a positive but only in Scotland do twa positives make a negative - 'Aye right.'

A boay fi Pow's Auld Tumchie Field Scheme - steaming and skint - is walking doon Jamieson Avenue when he spots a guy tinkering with the engine of his car.
'Whit's up Jimmy?' he asks.
'Piston broke,' he replies..
'Aye, same as masel...

(Submitter: Foyiy)