See! The summer sun IS gleaming.

Some photos from the Fair, including a 100% officially approved photo of Elvis, an appearance of the lesser-spotted Younger Snash and a recreation of Rodin's The Thinker

Fair Airch Special Prize

Thankfully nae need ti print aff sheet from the BOOB. Ma Big Brither and Faither pulled oot aw the stops ti git rewardit.

Senior Member Of The Chambers Household

Tam fa's asleep efter wan to miny, Grandkid seeks to kill him aff!

Joke

Happy Bo'ness Fair Day 2007

Fi aw i us it BOOB HQ hope u huv, or huv hud awready, a fantastic Fair Day.
See the Summer Sun is Gleaming n aw that.
Foaties cumn soon.

Welcome Foreign Visitors Lookn Fur the Fair Website n findin the Famous Boys of Old Bo'ness Insteed!

Visitors the nicht fi Peru, Palestine, Wisconsin, Maine, Finland, Wales (probably Big Jean - or is he up fur the Fair?), Oz, Birmingham, London, The Mingle, etc.

Hands acroass the globe brithirs n sisters.

Happy Fair Day when it comes ti yir Time Zone.

Big shout oot ti Flash in Las Vegas, aw the best big yin.

N a big hello ti GAD in Tampa, FL, hope u arrived safe wee man.

Fair Een it Fever Pitch

The moarn's the Fair, n we'll be there (weather permittn).

Hav a gid yin fi the BOOB.

(Foreign visitors - the 'Fair E'en' is the evening before the Bo'ness Fair Day when local townsfolk put on thir second best outfit of the summer (the best outfit, known as the 'Fair Klaze' is already washed, pressed (ironed), hanging up ready for tomorrow) and walk around the town viewing what are known as the 'airches'. These are a collection of temporary structures and house frontages made by locals wi money ti burn to celebrate their children participating in the actual Fair itself. Indeed, the 'airch' decorated town of Bo'ness was the inspiration for the film Brigadoon. Later excited weans will be given cally-coads by thir Faithers, resulting in loose change fawing oot i trooser poakits and rolling doon a gundy, whereupon cries of "Scoor-oot" will be heard).

Wise Words

Fairs Cup Programme Pub Quiz - the Answers!

Here are the answers to the Fairs Cup Pub Quiz:

Q1. Local Lads
a) Which local lad has played for Stirling Albion, Airdrie, Motherwell, Berwick Rangers, Arbroath, Partick Thistle, Forfar and Ayr?

Answer - Eddie Forrest

b) Which former Bo'ness United coach, whilst playing for Airdrie scored the last ever competitive goal at St Johnstone's former home, Muirton Park

John Sludden

c) What was the name of the centre forward from Bo’ness who spent 8 years with Rangers in the 1960s?

Dennis Setterington - proof
He wis also co-owner i a nightclub in Bo’ness during the 60s, whaur Farmfoods is noo.

Q2. Same Name Game
In each case, 2 very different people sharing the same name (spelling may be different)
a) St Mary's over 30s stalwart and Rangers FC player (pre-contract agreement)

Alan Gow

b) US Blues & Country singer, recently released CD called If The Ocean Gets Rough and late founder of local Coach Company (now run by his son)

Willy Mason

c) 1984 Fair Queen and US Country Music singer with Union Station

Alison Krauss (pronounced 'Cross')

Q3. Over 30s Trivia
a) Which uncle & nephew won the Fairs Cup over 30s tournament in the same team?

Alex Patrick & Derek Weir (St.Mary's)

b) Where was the Fairs Cup tournament held in 2002?

Newtoon Park

c) Who won the Fairs Cup player of the tournament trophy in 2006?

Christy Middleton

Q4. Fitba’ stuff
a) Which current Liverpool player has played in the Conference, League 2, League 1, Championship as well as Premiership, FA Cup, League Cup, UEFA Cup and Champions League?

Steve Finnan

b) Collins John and John Collins have both played for Fulham. Can you name 2 other players, full internationalists with UK countries, whose names are similarly reversed?

Jim (James) Leighton & Leighton James

Thanks ti Orpheus H Cumlouden for settn that toughy.
Unsurprisingly there were nae entrants, nivir mind winners!

Bo'ness Fair - T Shirts Still Available

Due ti a fire it oor Links Road Industrial Estate warehoose limited stocks i the T Shirts are now available.
Slightly smoky smelln.
Price: £10
Size: XL only
Hurry.

Bo'ness Fair Weather - Global Warming in Action

Looks like its gonny be pishn doon again this year.
Ah canny mind the Fair gittn cancelled in any i ma childhood years, bit it seems ti happn eviry second year noo, ken this.



Time yeese wur aw hinkn aboot yir carbon fitprints fur the weans sake.
Keep yir fingurs croassed anyweys.

Spawny Dug

He He - pair Lorne's dug only gits an auld pig's ear ti play wi tae!

In other news - who remembers that tumour wi the dug oan the end it thit yased ti walk aboot the Toon years ago?

Tricky's Travels #4

Aff to Dublin this week, where I saw a rather unusual Sack Race

Aw this talk i gittn aulder

Auld pals gittn back thegithir fur the Fair.
That's whit we like ti hear.
Here

Mabozza Ritchie

Some gowf outin this.

That reminds me - when/whaur r we huvn the Tommy Boatil Memorial Masters this year?

Is embdy up fur East Lothian, wi ma sis's caravan is base?

There Now Follows A Party Political Broadcast on Behalf of the Scottish National Party

Hod Ticht Bo'ness

Jist gittn in the mood noo fur the Slam Tent.
Increase volume.

Glastonbury 2007 Best i the Mudfest

Some Glasto 2007 highlights here, here, here, n here.

Any mair?

Fair Week Special - Queen's Airch First Glimpse

Anithir year anithir Queen's Airch thit BOOBs helped ti build.
Nice work so far.

Tree Leaf Mystery Update - We ken whaur ye live

So against it's better judgement Snash's Japanese maple decides ti go fur a wee wander doon The Boag. The Polis chap oan eviry door in Stewart Avenue bit draw a blank.
Mysteriously, they overlook the fact thit maist hings thit are kidnapped try n communicate wi thir faimily. The wee tree had been leavn behind tell-tale clues i compost n yon wee polystyrene beads ye pit in the boatim i the pot ti aid wi hydration i the roots, ken. This trail led right doon the Toon.
Lo n behold the wee Tree wis sittn it an angle in a pot it the back gairdins i the Modal. The Polis reunited it wi it's owner soon eftir.
Enquiries are continuing, bit sumbdy wis heard shoutn oot i a windy acroass fi Lidl's "If it wisnae fur yoose pesky meddlin BOOBs ah'd uv goattin awa wi it".
Meanwhile, even the weeds in Snash's gairdin are padloakt.

Tea Leaf in Stewart Avenue

Some bress-necked green-fingered cant hus stolen a tree oot i Snash's front gairdin!

If embdy spots a newly plantit Japanese Maple in thir neebor's shrubbery bed, or notices a Fair Airch wi an unusually high standard i leafy decoration, contact the BOOB or the Polis Special Branch.

BREKKN NEWS: Thief Rooted Oot, Tree Hame Safe. Mair soon.

Yet Another Smiths Cover

This time by big fat Bernard. God rest his racist soul.

Bo'ness 500 Fair Days

Check oot Bo'ness DJ Tobacco Slammers mashup fur the Fair here.

Bo'ness United 1984

Ah wis up ma loft the ithir nicht n spied a pristine VHS copy i the Junior Cup Final 1984 - Scotsport, Arthur Montford, his check jaikit, Lexie Shields scoring the greatest goal evir in the history i Scottish fitba - the full fkn monty.

Noo aw a need is some techno wizard able ti burn it oan a dvd n we could be sittn oan a wee goldmine here.

Any takers?

Favourite quote # 173

"Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the world, I can't help but cry. I mean I'd love to be skinny like that, but not with all those flies and death and stuff," --Mariah Carey

What a Smartarse

Lithgi Mairches - Controversial Bistro Owner's Prayers fur Rain Answered Big Time

Lithgi Mairches
Earlier Theday

Lorne Sossage, who hud earlier raised a few eyebrows wi his controversial Mairches Day Shop Frontage, rakes in the cash is the annual inclement weather forces hunners i drookit Black Bitches ti seek comfort in his High Street Bistro, sum i thum trying a roal oan Blackpuddin fur the very first time, invariably washed doon wi a "Blackness Milk" Latte or Frappucino.

BOOB Bo'ness Fair Emergency Happiness Kit

Building an airch fur the Bo'ness Fair?
Avoid disappointment oan the Fair moarnin by printing aff the above and attaching it ti a prominent 2 bi 2 structural batten when the bairns are it the Crownin.
Complete by placin a fiver in a broon envelope n poastn it thru yir ain door.
Finish aff wi a loud chorus i the Fair Song.
Later - watch the bairn's face light up.

Simple.

Stu King's Fitba Dinner

Big Stu is still lookn fur names fur the Sportsman's Dinner being held at the Inchyra on Saturday the 22nd of September 2007 in aid of Cancer Research.

Tickets are £45.00, each for champagne reception, 4 course dinner and of course after dinner mirth fi speakers Francis McAvennie, Jim Leishman MBE and former Ref Brian McGinlay. This is no bad value considerin a starter it the Inchyra is aboot that price.

Interested? Contact Stu on 0777 3888016 (M), bit hurry - these tickets are gaun fast!

Through the Cakehole

I decided to make a Battenberg Cake tonight and this is what it should look like as per the recipe book.

However, after following the recipe diligently this is what I actually made:

Still, as Confucious says: "All food goes down the same hole and comes out the same hole."

It's amazn whit ye kin find oan Youtube

Intit?

Whit a Beemer!

Up the Troassachs
Yistirdiy Efternin
Whilst Nev amuses himsel wi his new 7Megapixel, the evir resourceful Cammy makes a few extra boab fur beer by giein a passn German Tourist's car a wash, wax n full valet.

What's in a name?

An occasional series showcasing entertainers on the Sex Offenders Register with unfortunate sounding names.


No: 318
Master Dick Bates

Presentees Trophy - Part Deux

Further to Carriers rant about the fictitious "Presentees Cup" could this be the Rock-around -the -clock to which he refers. As well as a very youthful Greegs and Yan we can see what has to be the best ever Squidwort-from-spongebob-square-pants impersonator.

It should also be noted that unlike our less advanced brethren the Grange School performed in colour.

Happy Birthday Stan!

Stanley hits the big 40 the day.

Makes me think tho' - ah've goat it aw cumn ti me tae in a few years...

Aw the best fi the BOOB!!

Never Mind The Trossachs, Here's The Midges

Took a trip up to Loch Lubnaig this afternoon where all sorts of insects decided it was feeding time.

Fair Memories - The Presentees Trophy

The Presentees Trophy wis an annual award handit oot it the Bo'ness Fair in the 1970s ti the School wi the best choreographed dance routine. Schools whose entrants didny take it serious, n jist hud a laff oan stage, droppn the bell-end i thir fake trumpets fur example, wur immediately disqualified.
Here we see 1977 winners, St. Mary's PS, wi thir widely acclaimed West End style production i 'Windmill in Auld Amsterdam", thit easily beat the Grange PS amateurish effort i "Rock aroond the Cloack" yon year.

BOOB Comment

How, in this age i modern IT, wi 'cut n paste' technology, spellcheckers n online dictionaries kin the Jurnal take a carefully wordit n grammatically correct write-up oan the Fairs Cup n publish it fu' i mistakes?
Whit a makeafully.
Fkn useless.

Spawny Joabs

No:326
Gemma Atkinson's Silicone Dampener

Proud Faither

Paddy canny fail to hide how ecstatic he feels at his lassie being the Grangemooth Gala Day Queen. Quite right tae. A fantastic day, when the rain staid aff, against all expectations, seeing Paddy & Family in the parade and at the ceremony wi the Italians (whaar we met Mrs Futin Det & guid mither of Futin Det) , wis rounded aff with a celebration across the road fi theirs wi' The Marky Gs, the Italians, the Griffs and the Trickys in attendance, amongst many ithers.

Fake Moon Landings - Debate Continues

New Evidence proving once and for all that the Apollo Moon Landings were fake.

See the Summer Sun is Gleamin in Grangemooth

Gid luck ti Paddy G, whaws lassie is the Queen it the Grangemooth Gala Day the morra.
Aw the best fi yir pals it the BOOB!

Boni's Cafe

Nev's oan record is sayin is favourite gig wis Big Country it Ingliston yon time. Yees may remember the support act wis yin i ma favourite bands fir the eighties The Big Dish, noo sadly defunct. The lead singer Stevie Lindsay is still gaun strong tho'. Check oot his new album 'Kite' - his jangly tunes brings back memories fur me i they lazy, hazy days i 1987. N they new Blunt, Morrison, etc boays couldny lace his bits min.

We hear that....

Greegs hus finally moved inty his hoose. Well nearly.

Noo he's off ti help Big Jean dae up his new bachelor pad.

Look oot fur a completion date aroond 2011.

18th Century Filth

I am currently reading Henry Fielding's 1749 novel 'Tom Jones' and I was understandably shocked when I came across this passage in Book IV Chapter 14:

"...'Why ma'am,' answered Mrs Honour, 'he came into the room one day last week when I was at work and there lay your ladyship's muff on a chair, and to be sure he put his hands into it, that very muff you ladyship gave me but yesterday; "La," says I, " Mr Jones, you will stretch my lady's muff and spoil it;" but he still kept his hands in it, and then he kissed it - to be sure, I hardly ever saw such a kiss in my life as he gave it...and said it was the prettiest muff in the world'..."

Disgraceful. And to think they teach this in schools.

The Enemy at the Gates

I have just spent a fantastic evening watching The Enemy at the Liquid Rooms, even though most of the audience were born after the fall of the Berlin Wall and I looked like someone's dad. In fact, the lead singer looked about 12 and the bass player looked like a Jamie Hewlett cartoon. Anyway, halfway through I couldn't resist the temptation of the moshpit and spent the remainder of the gig jumping up and down, pushed this way and that, ending up sweaty, bruised and battered. I drew the line at crowd surfing, though I did help a couple of people into the air, including an 18-year old lassie in a short skirt who asked me and another bloke to grab her by the legs and lift her up. At least, I hope she was 18.

Brekkn News - Pumps in the Gorbals

Glesgy is set to welcome the second coming of the Smashing Pumpkins as they return to unleash their sixth album, Zeitgeist, their first since 2000.
Carling Academy 22nd August - tickets oan sale the morra @ 9am.
Here

No Funny

Thocht ah'd go n see Ricky Gervais it Embra Castle during the Fringe. Saw the adverts, nae prices mentioned.
Went online ti git thum the day.

£37.50 plus booking fee each.

To quote Gervais's character Andy Millman in Extras:

"He's 'avin a laff!"

Will download dvd insteed.

Wis it, or wis it naw?

Wis drivin up tae Lithgae oan seterday, in oot the coarner i ma ee a thoat a saw the "dick flashin hooer murderer" a dunnoe if it wis jist a lookielike bit by christ it wis a guid yin. Onybody heard onyhing?

Valley FM

As the Italian mentioned in an earlier poast, Lilias who yased ti work in the Foondry wis oan hand fur Valley Fm 87.7 it the Fairs Cup ti interview some well kent fitba personalities and will be broadcasting coverage worldwide very soon.

Keep yir ears pinned ti the stereogram n the Valley FM website fur further details.
UPDATE: Broadcastn fi 16th - 30th June.

Ex-pats, petrochemical industry shiftworkers n folk who wur up late oan the Fair Een kin also listen ti live coverage i the Crownin fi the Glebe Park oan the Fair Day.

Fairs Cup - Result

BOOB Markybhoy Captains St.Mary's to another win



Final Score: St.Mary's 'A' 4 - 2 Kinneil 'B'

Winning team:
Duffy, Kelly B., Temperley J., Temperley H., Kelly S.,
Patrick, Weir, Markybhoy, Sneddon J-O.

Player of the Tournament: J-O Sneddon

UPDATE: Tournament report on the Fair site

Fairs Cup - Post Match Analysis

Tam Burns explains the rules fur the hunnerth time.

BOOB eenbaw wi Broon, Markybhoy, Snash, Nev n long loast brithir Elvis ower a couple i Shandies.

Pint tummlers everywhaur, is chaos erupts when Dougie appears fi naewhair, n confronts Scott A aboot the earlier oan-field stramash thit led ti a flurry i rid cairds. K-Snedd oaffirs ti "hawd the jaikets".

Thankfully it's aw furgoatin aboot, n peace breks oot. That's Bo'ness fur ye - we kin faw oot, bit we EIWEYS faw back in again.


The dust settles, in the Hef's table kin git oan wi the business in hand - gittn fired inty that wee roond i drinks afore the table collapses.

Gid endn ti a gid day. Thanks ti aw players, supporters, freends and faimilies fur makin the Fairs Cup 2007 a great success.